I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
