i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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