You smell like stripper and shame
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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