I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She made me pour olive oil on her.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
