Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
