I'm really into asian looking animals
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
