Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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