It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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