Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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