he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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