We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
