very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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