cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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