I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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