we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
