You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize