i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
