you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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