Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
