God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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