google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
smell my finger.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
