dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
