wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
