Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
