i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
