I CAN MOONWALK!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
