apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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