what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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