Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
