Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
