walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
