i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize