she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
