When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
