did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
