I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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