I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
