so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
