Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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