He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
