Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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