When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
