I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
