dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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