This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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