Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
