Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize