Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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