btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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