RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
