Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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