You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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