You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
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I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize