yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
