Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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