Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
