We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
