this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
