Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
