turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
