so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
