I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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