my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
