I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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