I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
