just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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