The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
