I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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