At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
