So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
