all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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