When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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