"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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