Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
