I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
