Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize