Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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