This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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