just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
