I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
