first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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