I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
