p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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