Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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